I set up a profile on one of these friend collecting profile wholesalers the other day; a friend suggested that I do so because it was cool and lots of people are on them. I think I regret ever doing it. At first it seemed to be too much work, then little by little the thing came together and I was officially a Friendster Friend. Then I realized that I wasn't really a friend of anybody as I didn't have any links to any friends. Crap. Online loser. So I set about the task of collecting a few friends. An email to the chick that told me to set it up netted one, her S.O. provided another. Fantastic. Two friends. Good enough for me. Then this chick tells me that my profile looks empty and I should add some friends, particularly chicks as this will make me look hot and wanted amongst the female persuasion (this has just brought up another topic for another day). Brilliant idea! I'll just hop right on to friendy-friend.com and upload some friends to my profile. Nope. Sorry. Not gonna be that easy. So I set about the task of creating a popular looking online persona. This was fun at first, looking up old friends and acquaintances, but quickly degraded into a demeaning scavenger hunt which would in the end serve no other purpose than to quantify my popularity through a visual display of all the headshots I had managed to acquire. I continued on because this sort of pessimism really only ever leads to indigestion, bad gas, and chocolate binges. I searched out everyone I could remember in hopes that they would grace the front page of my profile and further my social credibility. A few responded back and have added themselves to the Cult of Brian. Just as I think I'm truly on my way to being something big, the chick and a co-worker, through some sort of cosmic bond, tell me within minutes of each other that I should really sign up for this other Friend Arranger website because for whatever reason it has way more people on it and it is just that much cooler. Again, Crap. I go to this other Friendalicious website and see that it's ten times more involved and exponentially more difficult to find those that probably didn't want to talk to me in the first place. Boycott! I refuse to give in to the new Friend-o-Matic.com. Absurdity, all of it! Who can keep up with all this hoo-haa and online pretense? Not me. I'm going to bed now. Actually, no, no bed just yet. I have to check my email. Someone may want to join the Friendy Cult of Brian.